Posts Tagged ‘Family’
3 glasses of cheap Australian Merlot of some extremely young vintage.
And a good round of poker where you beat everyone and make a 39 melon seed profit on a 30 seed bank. I guess I was tipsy enough to include myself.
Same old, same old…
I’m still being marginalised, left out and ignored. It’s not that I don’t want to socialise, but somehow my cousins and I just don’t connect. Perhaps it is the fact that the all have close siblings, while my solitary brother is 11 years older than I. Don’t take it wrongly, I love my brother, and he cares about me. It’s just that 11 years is rather significant and age really is a barrier in many circumstances.
Hopefully my next update won’t be so angst ridden and mundane.
Hopefully…
I still feel like crap, sorry but I just had to let it out somewhere, can’t possibly go downstairs screaming now can I?
As a sidenote, practically all my cousins are attached right now, gah and they even brought their other halves along, some of them at least. That may be why I feel so excluded. So much for familial bonds.
My relatives are here, finally, and I don’t seem much happier.
In fact, I’m not even feeling brighter or cheerier, quite the contrary really.
My cousins are all downstairs making merry, watching Mr. Bean’s Holiday. (can you believe it…) I’m alone, sulking, and blogging here on my computer.
Blood is thicker than water? Yeah right.
Well I can always count on my friends at RJ, especially HH08 and my class! You won’t fail me now will you? 
Expectations
Juggling them all can be a torture. Your own aspirations, what your parents see in you and even how high your friends hold you in their regard.
When 2008 came around, the slate was wiped clean. I resolved to change, to reinvent myself, to be a different person. I wanted to be someone active, someone involved, someone prominent. I wanted to make a change rather than be my usual self- cold, boring and unmotivated. I threw down the gauntlet and committed myself to the challenge of clearing it and the road has been smooth until…
My parents came into the picture.
Throughout my four years of secondary schooling, I had endured their droning on how I was not good enough. It didn’t help that I had my strong subjects and was an avid photographer. I was not active, was not working hard enough for Chinese, should not be finding Mathematics such a chore… Why do you think I made the resolution? Why do you think I decided to reinvent myself? To prove them wrong of course!
So what do they do when I make that change? They find something else to criticise. They tell me I’m staying out way too late, I’m never home to help out and that I’m neglecting my schoolwork for being active. Well, obviously devoting more of my attention to something would result in sacrifices in other aspects. I am human after all!
What is it about parents that see them change their tune every chance they get. Do they derive satisfaction from driving us around in circles, picking up something new to harp on as they go along?
Is there any sanity to this visceral madness, or is it simply a big hint somewhat lacking in subtlety that this life is not meant for me, that I should just return to the person I was and not try to be someone I am not?
Is anyone else sharing my suffering, can anyone point me in the right direction? Anybody?
